“Peace of mind for five minutes, that’s what I crave.” —Alanis Morissette
I’m not at peace with myself,
I told her, I’ve never been,
I don’t know what it is, but
even when I’ve accomplished
something, I’m disturbed,
not just empty but unsettled,
like something antithetical
to divine light, an unholy darkness
has me in its calloused palm,
there are moments
when the seven demons or
the madness or whatever it is,
releases me, and I find clarity,
a soothing lucidity when
carpe diem isn’t something
in the distance, like the brownstone
across the street, but a sympathetic
force that rearranges the contours
of my mind – transforming the
zigzagging patterns into
a symmetrical whole like
Elijah and Moses transfigured,
shining with the light of the sun.
Oh, how I wish for more
of those moments!
I don’t even know if writing helps,
sometimes peace rises like
the elect raptured from the
spaces between the lines
and consumes me, but sometimes
some cosmic horror snakes its
way through the syllables,
tears the fabric of reality
and blinds me with its
inky tendrils, making me relive
the years wasted,
I know you can’t help me, and I hate
burdening you with this,
but listen… please listen.
Photo by Žygimantas Dukauskas on Unsplash
17 responses to “Peace”
I am listening….
Nitin, this is so viscerally evocative. I guess we have all had such days but you have beautifully put in words that indescribable feeling.
Thank you so much for your kind words. Writing this actually helped a bit since I had one of those days yesterday. And thank you for listening.
You are so welcome, Nitin. I too have had such days and sometimes just putting it on paper helps.
I hope and pray God gives you peace, in all aspect of your life…
That’s such a kind thing to say. Thank you so much! God bless you.
Amen
And, you’re welcome.
Thanks for the beautiful piece.
Thank you for reading and for your kind words.
For me, writing definitely helps. If I don’t write for a while then I become very unsettled.
Interestingly, if I don’t listen to music for a while, I become depressed.
Life is a journey. I hope yours takes you to the inner peace you rightly deserve.
Yeah I totally get not writing for a while and getting unsettled. Having said that, sometimes writing brings back the pain and sometimes it alleviates it. Music is such an integral part of my life too. I listen to it all the time. I do it sometimes even when I write.
Thank you so much for your kind words. Let’s hope they come true.
You’re welcome.
That’s interesting. I need complete silence to write, except when I am writing for one specific character. Then I listen to ‘her’ music.
It’s interesting that you should say that because someone else here mentioned using a similar technique. Maybe I should create a perennially brooding Texan who listens to melancholy post-rock and talks about pessimism. But that would only be me with a southern drawl!
Lol, maybe you should!!!
Love this. This is it!!! Wow. Beautiful writing.
Thank you so much for your kind words!
Not burdening Nitin, keep writing, we’re listening. You have the gift of expressing yourself.
Thank you so much for your encouraging kind words Janice. I will keep writing.