Humpty

Humpty sat in the refrigerator pondering and pondering, which is pretty much what eggs did. They were deep, existential thinkers, contemplating on good and evil, and the nature of man and man’s relationship to them. Humpty pondered on metaphysical things like the eternal yolk, the finitude of the shell and predestination. Why do some eggs hatch and become chickens when the rest are refrigerated? Why am I here? What is the meaning of all this? What does tomorrow bring? He thought. He never quite understood man.

Man caressed eggs and placed them in the refrigerator with utmost care, but he’d seen another side. Another vicious side that another poor egg who was now either in heaven, hell, purgatory or the void experienced. A man just picked him up and smashed him over a woman’s head in rage. He watched in horror as the shell broke and yolk spilt. How could man who’s capable of such tenderness do something so vicious? Did man have two yolks, one good and another bad? Or did he only mask his depravity? Humpty wished he could express these feelings, but he had no outlet and he felt uneasy when the refrigerator door opened, and a child looked at him before picking him up.

Humpty’s yolk froze. Terror gripped him. It was time to experience things and face truth or judgement, and he didn’t know what lay before him. He couldn’t express his sheer agony and inner torture. A whirlwind of emotion gripped him. Help! Save! Redeem! He thought when the child brought Humpty out of the house and he saw the light.

The sun. Now, he had some innate knowledge of it, but had never seen it. He felt warm, comforted and consoled as the child placed him on a wall. Humpty was ecstatic. He had inner peace. So, it’s redemption after all, he thought, and relaxed when he felt a slight nudge.

He experienced severe nausea, and felt the urge to vomit but couldn’t. He was falling. “Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall. Humpty Dumpty had a great fall,” the child sang. The anguish was excruciating. And then he crashed against the cobbles and felt his shell cracking, a small crack before a split. His yolk oozed out. What did I ever do to you? Why do you hurt me? Aaargh! It stings! It burns! I can’t handle it! The pain! Please make it stop!

Then he saw the murderous child wearing a crown and carrying a toy horse. He crushed Humpty some more with the horse. Oh, God! No! Please! Don’t! The child then squashed Humpty into a pulp, letting the yolk run on his hands. Make it stop! Make this murderous bastard quit! Humpty then heard the voice of a demon when the child shrieked with glee, saying, “All the King’s horses and the King’s men. Couldn’t put Humpty together again.” And everything faded to black after Humpty realised that existence was meaningless.

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